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Unemployed Boyfriend

 

[Answering machine:] “Hi, this is Peggy. Leave me a nice message or I’ll kill ya."

 

“Hey Peggy, it’s me. You are never going to believe what happened to me today. I’m sittin' at the unemployment office, waitin' on my loser of a caseworker, in one of those nasty chairs, when from out of nowhere, this total stranger walks right up to me, sits down, then leans over and says something like, ‘This is gonna sound a little obsessive.'"

 

This is gonna sound a little obsessive

This is gonna sound a little bit strange

I have one thing to say

Before I turn and I walk away

 

This is gonna sound a little impulsive

This is gonna sound a little insane

I know you don’t know me yet

But you and I, we will be together someday

Someday

I know, I know, I sound like I’m on drugs

Listen to me when I say

 

That ever since when I first saw you

Sittin' on your car outside

You asked for a cigarette

I couldn’t stop starin' at your eyes

 

Ever since when I first saw you

Looking bored in that plastic chair

With the lights of the office around you

Those blond streaks, they look so pretty in your black hair

You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare

Yeah you want people to think that you just don’t care

 

Hey you can be with me

Yeah 'cause I just might be the one

Who will treat you like you’re perfect

Who will always make you come

Hey you can be with me

Yes I will always let you win

I will never be like those other guys

I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

 

“Can you believe he said that to me? To me, of all people! I can’t even remember the last time a guy took me out on a date and actually paid for it!”

 

This is gonna sound a little bit out there

This is gonna sound a little insane

I keep having the same dream

You will be the mother of my children someday

Someday

 

I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy

I know he is in that famous band

You look so sad when you are with him

Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand

 

Yeah you can be with me

Yes I will treat you like a queen

I will go to all those chick flick movies

That I really don’t want to see

Yeah you can be with me

No I will never let you down

I will never make out with your girlfriend

When I know you’re not around

Yes you can be with me

Yeah I just might be the one

Who will treat you like you’re special

I will always make you come

You can be with me

Yes I will always let you win

I will never be like those other guys

I will never be like those other guys

I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

 

“Can you believe this? I mean, can this be for real?"

 

No!

 

"Then he takes my hand, writes down his number, and just walks away."

 

Whoa!

 

"I mean, wow. But you know, the weird thing is, he’s actually kind of cute, in a really intense way. Kinda like Perry Farrell, you know. Intense, but sensitive. Anyway, I told my bitchy sister about it, and she just laughed at me. I told her I'm really excited about this! That I have a really good feeling about this guy! I told her, ‘This could be the guy.’ I’m like..."

 

 

 

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