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The Laughing Gnome ==================
I was walking down the High Street When I heard footsteps behind me And there was a little old man (Hello) In scarlet and grey, shuffling away (laughter) Well he trotted back to my house And he sat beside the telly (Oaah..) With his tiny hands on his tummy Chuckling away, laughing all day (laughter)
Oh, I ought to report you to the Gnome office (Gnome Office) Yes (Hahahahaha)
CHORUS Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you don't catch me" Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me" Said the laughing Gnome
Well I gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine (Burp, pardon) Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne Carried his bag and gave him a fag (Haven't you got a light boy?) "Here, where do you come from?" (Gnome-man's land, hahihihi) "Oh, really?"
In the morning when I woke up He was sitting on the edge of my bed With his brother whose name was Fred He'd bought him along to sing me a song
Right, let's hear it Here, what's that clicking noise? (That's Fred, he's a "metrognome", haha)
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you don't catch me" Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"
(Own up, I'm a gnome, ain't I right, haha) "Haven't you got an 'ome to go to?" (No, we're gnomads) "Didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school? you look like a rolling gnome." (No, not at the London School of Ecognomics)
Now they're staying up the chimney And we're living on caviar and honey (hooray!) Cause they're earning me lots of money Writing comedy prose for radio shows It's the-er (what?) It's the Gnome service of course
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you don't catch me" Ha ha ha, oh, dear me
(Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me" Ha ha ha, hee hee hee "I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me")
(One more time, yeah)
<repeat>
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OLD LARGE HISTORIC PHOTO OF THE LYRIC THEATRE, SYDNEY c1930s, WAR LOANS BOOTH OLD LARGE HISTORIC PHOTO OF St LOUIS MISSOURI, VIEW OF THE LYRIC THEATER c1920 OLD LARGE HISTORIC PHOTO OF ENDICOTT NEW YORK, VIEW OF THE LYRIC THEATER c1910 OLD LARGE HISTORIC PHOTO OF THE LYRIC THEATRE, SYDNEY c1930s, WAR BONDS BOOTH 1930 Press Photo Mary Stuart , Scottish lyric soprano 
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