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The Double Crossing Of Two Faced Fred B-side of I Want To Be A Tree Fiction FICS 21 - 08/84
"if trees grow in the forest... ...Pap grow in the trees"
One Dark Night Oh, must be a year ago I was lying in Bed - That's me and Flo
Flo was roaring and snoring But I could not sleep See, me head was splitting From counting up Sheep
When... Thrrrp.
Yeah, someone - uh - spoke...
I kept me head, though - I'm that sort of bloke Well, I turns on me Lamp To view this Intruder "Begone !", says I
Or was it something ruder ?
I couln't see Nothing Now the Light was clearer. But as I turns past the Mirror I see 2 eyes In the back of me Head
Then a nose.
Then a mouth.
Its tongue a luminous Red
"Thrrrp", said the Head "Just call me Fred"
"Well, that's my name too"
I said
To Fred.
The aforesaid.
Head.
Well, we Nattered and Chattered Till the break of Dawn In fact till Flo Woke up With a Yawn
Fretted Flo to Fred : "Oh, he's never cared a Fig for me Oh, The Fred I wed's a Freak But to wed Two Heads - Is this bigamy ?"
Said Fred : "Dunno, but it's unique"
Flo pointed to the Door More abuse was hurled So Fred and me Agreed to leave To go and see the World
Arriving in Watford (Via the course, of course) Says I : "I'm so hungry -I could eat a Horse" "Banish thy pangs" - said Fred "I'll do better for Thee I'll catch us a sheep We'll have cutlets For Tea"
Well, I was keeping watch Whilst Fred was seeking Sheep But I counted two accidentally And soon dropped off to sleep...
Fred went on perpetrating This nasty, ghastly Crime When : "'ello, 'ello, 'ello", said a voice behind.
The lawman said : "You'll lose your head !" Me eyes begun to run So did Fred (the aforesaid Head)
Already, I'd lost one.
"Sheep rustling ! Mmmm", said the Judge seizing his black hat "I could put you behind baaa's Or cut off your Head".
And all he said was That.
They skewered me Head On a Tower Bridge pike It's a little bit Windy But the view I like
'Ere, guess who I see courting Caught in a Traffic Jam ? Yeah, Fred Sporting me headless Body Supporting me old Ma'am
Fretted Fred to me : (the aforesaid Head) "Like me Body ? It's new I stuck me Head on With Glue I live in your old House I love your old Spouse Even She think's I'm you
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